Are You on A Plateau?

"Forget it enough to get over it, but remember it enough so it doesn't happen again."

~Me

It's a strange and frustrating place to be when you've achieved a long-awaited goal.

It is a place you've only considered as a hope, and yet with hard work and determination, you are there. You thought to yourself for years that 'if I could only finish this' or 'if I could only fit into this size' or 'if I could only earn this much' and now you are here. And what you know is something that only people who reach that point know - it's not the end of the hard work. But the once ridiculously hard work is now habit and routine, so it's changed from desperation to determination to daring. Daring to see just how far you can go. You could keep what you've learned to yourself, but before you know it, you'll be in a conversation with others who are on that path, just further behind, and they are stuck. Unable to move forward and looking for answers. You've hit a plateau.

Maybe the problem is, you're striving to be impressive rather than authentic? 

Plateaus can be a way for your true self to call you back to just be sure you know what you are doing and where you are going. It's a flat place where you can sit, stand or wait. It allows you to rest without fear of falling or losing your balance. Funny, we usually self-designate these places of rest, but at other times, they appear to be imposed upon us.  It can be your support team, whether it be body, mind or soul, just needs a break. Or, you could be subconsciously slowing yourself down. Something caused you concern, or maybe you tripped and got scared. Whatever the reason, you're there. The external drives are somehow not clicking with the internal needs.

It's time to regain our connection with self.

It is the voice of your own internal mentor. It knows you best, but you have to choose to listen to it. The external voices of others can drown it out, and we end up giving away our own personal power. When you believe that the answers we seek lie outside of ourselves, we can forget to check in and see what really true for us. The internal knows this. So it is asking you to wait. 

So what will you do with your plateau?

You can get frustrated and blame.

You can give up and roll backward.

Or you can take a deep breath and rest.

The last one gives you the chance to be transparent and honest so you can decide when to move forward.

Cheers.

Occupation: Aspiring Beam of Light

"What is to give light, must endure the burning."

~Eleanor Roosevelt

A part of my job that I particularly love is interviewing prospective new team members.

Most of the time, they are social worker types like me and very interested in service to others. Many are young, but I also get the occasional seasoned soul who is looking for a place to put down long term roots. During these adventures, I usually have some of the most interesting conversations. If they are willing to open up, I can get to their motivation for wanting to work with children on the Autism Spectrum. Many times, I am inspired by their answers and challenged to look inside and reconsider my own motives.

Yesterday, I spoke with a young man who had the most unusual name.

While I will not share that private part of the conversation, I will tell you that the name seemed somewhat spiritual in nature. I found out that it was a name he had chosen himself, which made it even more intriguing. He explained that the meaning had to do with always facing toward the light so that you could put your shadows behind you. He could not have known that this week, I have been musing about being a light to others, and what this means for me.

Not just seeking the light, but being one.

Being an aspiring beam of light that shines right on others, putting their 'shadows' behind them. I do appreciate times when we have to seek light. Times when we find ourselves in a darker place and feel a bit lost. I understand it feels as though we have lost our light source in these times, but I wonder if this is just our own self-defeating behavior? What if the light we seek is always within, only covered over by things that come into our lives and succeed in covering it over for a while? Like a fire extinguisher, events that spray a retardant on our flame to smother it? 

Could it be we only need to manifest the flame, the passion, or the effort to rekindle it?

What do you need to do to stoke up your inner fire? 

Don't be afraid of the heat. Let it burn baby.

So go - glow.

Cheers.

Happy Valentine's Day - TO ME.

"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you."

~Unknown

I spent most of my life trying to make myself worthy of love.

I showered those around me with as much love as I could muster, hoping beyond hope that they might love me back. And if they didn't, I never blamed them. After all, why would they love me and all the imperfection I knew lived inside of me? I felt helpless to change any of it and carried it with me like a red badge of rejection.

Today, I am living a completely different existence.

It's one that is based upon acceptance of myself and recognition of the power and responsibility I have over caring for me. I no longer rely on others to prove to me I am worth loving. I now base my understanding on the way I treat me. I sustain the person who is giving it all she has to be a good and kind human. A healthy human, inside and out.

So I want to encourage you today to wrap your arms around you before you do it to someone else.

Give yourself a good long squeeze and breathe into the embrace. It will not only make you feel fantastic, but it will make the next hug you give to another soul even more purposeful. It demonstrates to you that you are worthy of the love you receive and shows those you love that you have a healthy and robust place to love them from.

Loving yourself is the beginning of being able to truly love others. 

Give it a try.

Be true to you. 

Be Yours.

Cheers.

Are you holding yourself back?

Stop holding yourself back. Haven't enough people tried that and failed?

~Me

Have you ever heard yourself say, "Geez, I need to get started on this."

It's the song of a heart that is filled with dreams that have been stored but never started. A myriad of excuses, a list full of great reasons, but a mind filled with 'why not's'... In my seasoned aged, I understand that there are some very functional reasons behind what is stopping us, and it's that person staring at you in the mirror. Yup, it's you...

Perhaps it's time to say, "It IS about YOU."

Take a look at a short list I created that might touch on some of the ways you can stop being that thing that is holding yourself back:

1. Change your attitude to reflect what you want to become.
Your attitude will either move you forward or backward. It’s significantly affected by what you believe since what you think determines the decisions you make. Your beliefs mainly stem from your past - what people said and did to you and what you concluded those experiences meant to you. Become aware of what people told you when you were a child and ask yourself if those statements were actually true. Study your accomplishments and your environment, go over what you have done so far and see if they align with the accused comments.

2. You know more than you think.
Stop selling yourself short by saying, “I don’t know” and instead say, “I will figure it out,” and ask yourself “How can I do this better?” You can ask for help and connect yourself to the right resources as part of your self-development journey so you can become more, know more, and prepare for the challenges ahead.

3. Do not allow defeat to win over triumph.
There are two kinds of memory banks. One is “Defeat,” and the other is “Triumph.” In the first you store all your memories of things you believe you haven’t done well; in the second, memories of times when you’ve succeeded. Everything you’ve ever experienced lives in one of these memory banks, which you will withdraw from in the future to inform your decisions. Your choice will educate your habits and behavior, which ultimately dictate your success and happiness.

4. Embrace mistakes as teachers.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Mistakes are part of life. I have learned to love them. Though I don’t look to make mistakes often, they are my teachers in growth and self-improvement. If you really want something, you have to be prepared to seize opportunities, work hard for it, and never give up.

You have the power to overcome the limiting beliefs that stop you from realizing your full potential and creating happiness. 

It starts with the choice to stop giving them power and start seizing new opportunities.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should never quit anything. You need to set goals that align with your values.

If your values change along the way, as we all know may happen as we get older, it is okay to give them up and embark on a new journey.

Cheers.

Remaining Open To Transformation - At Any Age.

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” ~Charles R. Swindoll

Ever noticed a chrysalis hidden within its cocoon? The final few moments before it emerges as a butterfly compose what science terms as metamorphosis, a transformation.

What is inside has to struggle quite a bit before it gets all the attention for being the magnificent creature it is. It’s long and painful. However, while watching it, you may be tempted to clip off the outer covering of the chrysalis with a pair of scissors. And you might do it, thinking you’re doing it a favor. But when it finally emerges, you’d be sorely disappointed. On the other hand, if you can muster up the patience to watch this metamorphosis take place, without any intervention from your side, you’ll see one of the most beautiful miracles of nature, and one of life’s best lessons.

Our lives are journeys to this same type of metamorphosis, to find a sense of purpose in life. 

Each one of us has had to let go of a dream, compromise, and experience pain and the entire gamut of emotions that an undesirable change can bring. But by no means did it ever spell the end of all dreams.

Every lousy experience, painful relationship, and compromise you’ve ever made in good conscience will somehow transform into a beautiful inner reservoir of spiritual gifts and blessings. Change is hard, but a transformation is painful at many points of the process.

I think life wants you to take notice of three things when you’re going through a difficult time that may seem eternal:

Trust life. There’s a higher purpose behind every seemingly impossible and challenging phase. You’ve just got to hang in there and know that it’s for the best.

Change. If you find yourself feeling crummy a lot more often than not, take time out to reflect on whether or not you’re happy deep down with what you’re doing.

Believe. Believe in yourself, even if the world around you doesn’t. If you don’t, who will?

Hold onto what you believe in. You’re meant to emerge as a beautiful butterfly from your chrysalis. Always remember that, with a smile, and give yourself a chance to entirely transform.

Cheers.

Are You Making Resolutions or Are You Resolved?

"Your success and happiness lie in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties." 

~Helen Keller

Are you a Resolution maker?

During these last few weeks of the year, many among us turn our minds to the fresh start of New Years. Although reality tells us it's just a continuation of time that holds no special purpose, the calendar tradition of changing the number on the year date denotes a starting over event. It's almost as though a slate filled with words and lists has been wiped clean. And with that comes the task of making new lists, and writing new words, things we call "Resolutions". 

What is a 'Resolution'? A wish? A hope? A yearly thing you start over?

I know that many make frivolous statements about what they want to change or do in the new year, and some of this serial self-letdown can start to become habitual. It is, after all, a resolution - literally a firm decision to act in some way.  Watching yourself firmly resolve only to see a quiet slide in the other direction has to do something to one's self-image. 

The question is, just how much negative build up happens after years and years of letting yourself down? 

Perhaps it's time to resolve not to over or understate your resolve this year.  Being resolutely steadfast and honest about what you can accomplish doesn't mean under-achieving, it just means deciding to build on what is real and possible.  If the foundation of your excellent resolution is sand, you're not going to have a lot of luck building stable and long-lasting outcomes. 

My farmer's daughter roots tell me that you have to know your soil before you decide what to plant, and preparing that soil is the most important step in the harvest.  

How about building on the decision to be happy for a change?

If the actions behind your resolutions are not making you happy, do you think you'll ever continue them? Ever seen a truck stuck in the thick mud?

Be resolute and happier about your resolve throughout the year, not just for the first weeks of it.

Let this be day 1 of 365.

Cheers.

You Are The Pilot Of The Flying Time

“Without giving up hope—that there’s somewhere better to be, that there’s someone better to be—we will never relax with where we are or who we are.” 

~Pema Chödrön

Time Flies.

It’s a fact that we all live with. It appears as though the older we get, the more it feels like the time is flying even faster - and our legs are getting tired, not to mention our other body parts.

I used to spend my days in a frenzy.

It was all about checking off items on the list, and moving forward to some elusive time or place when I would have… time.

Thankfully, I have now changed my relationship with my precious twenty-four hours. I thought I would share a few tips that have helped me to have a more joyous perspective on being the pilot of my time.

1. Notice the words “I don’t have enough time.” Change the language.

We’ve established that we all have the same amount of time. So why dwell on the obvious? Instead, be honest with yourself. If there is something that you are not doing, you are choosing not to.

Instead say, “I would love to, but I have another commitment.” Be present with that. Notice how it feels to have made that choice. Perhaps, you will make a different decision next time.

2. Know what your priorities are. Stick to them.

Today, I know precisely what my priorities are. And they are so simple.

Stay healthy—physically, mentally, and spiritually. I make time for about one hour of yoga and walking six days a week.

By knowing my priorities and sticking to them, I know I am making the best of my twenty-four hours. I am consistently doing things that are important to me, and that I feel are making a contribution in some way.

3. Let go of what others think of you. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sticking to your priorities will involve a whole lot of saying no. No is a complete sentence. You will get better at it. People will respect you for it.

4. Stop worrying about your “purpose.

This is a colossal waste of time.  When it comes down to it, you live your life how you live your days. If you live your days, your moments, your hours well, you will spend your life well.

So stop worrying about your “life,” and bring your attention to what this day brings. Love all of it. Your purpose is not to change the world, but to experience it fully in all its ambiguity.

Now, time to 'throttle up'...

Cheers.